Ok I am back even if it is just a brief post. LIFE SUCKS but in both a good way and a bad way.... I love my life but WTF? Laid off bills, Bills, job leads that go no where I mean I know this is part of life but MAN.... this is not fair!!! I do all i can for this family and get nothing ( as far as good karma ) in return... I get laid off the other job I really was hoping for is jerking me around. I dont have enough money to start my own business (Landscaping(which I love)) I am fucked.... yes I can survive on the scraps from Jason's table ( and dont get me wrong if I wanted something he would get it for me) But this is not how I saw my time here in Momence. I love to work... I love to love.... I love to be loved but this has to be some cruel joke.... The tension between my mother and me can be cut with a knife in the air of the room we are standing in.... the frustration between my husband ( thats right he is my husband and anyone who begs to differ can kiss the scrawnyest part of my ass (which would be all of it)) and me is silent but there... I wanna go back to school but cant afford it I cant afford not to because noone wants to hire a drop out.... And NOT TO MENTION the fact that on a moments notice I can be on a plane to wherever he is and understandably, when he is home he wants me to be home.......
I dont know. I am feeling useless, helpless, and understandably frustrated with all of this... We take two steps forward just to get knocked back 1 million..... I am strong gay man and I know this!!!! Why can I not deal with this?!?!?
Friday, May 15, 2009
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